Pssstt…I Have a Confession!

So, I am at home today with the day off, and started to try and think about a food post I could do today.  And, nothing was coming to mind, however, I have these thoughts swirling around in my head and need to just air them out.  Warning, this a not a food related post, more of a pouring out of feelings and thoughts.  

So, I have been living with a huge secret for a long time, probably most of my life actually!  I am AFRAID!!!!  That is right, I am a scared scared little man trapped inside the shell of an outgoing, loud and obnoxious man.  Now, don’t misunderstand, I do consider myself to be a strong person, I can stand up for myself and others when needed.  However, I do still live in fear, mostly of failure I suppose.  You see nothing I ever have set my heart on doing, has basically ended in failure.  Went to college and flunked out.  Spent my years working in kitchens hoping to one day work in some amazing restaurant and be noted for my food and creativity.  Instead I wound up climbing the ladder only to sabotage myself by falling into alcohol and drugs.  Made it to assistant market manager for a grocery chain and just could not stop voicing my opinion and wound up getting fired.  Have an amazing wife, who I seem to take for granted time and time again.  And, a six year old boy, who simply wants his daddy to play with him.  But, I am so fat I rarely have the energy to do anything with him.

Here I am now, working at another grocery store again, trying to work from the ground up, again!!!  While my wife busts her tail working her full time job for the state, constantly doing paid posts on her blog as well as running campaigns for other bloggers.  Three jobs, and I cannot even find one decent one to take on some of the burden.  Not to mention, this amazing woman drives us around everywhere we need to go, because we only have one car and I do not know how to drive a standard.  I know, sad, but I grew up in the city where those were not really an ideal style of car.  She truly is the strongest and most amazing person I know.  I really don’t know how she does it most of the time.  And, I know for sure I don’t show her enough how much I appreciate her and love her more than anything else on this planet!!  I live in constant fear that this strong, amazing, superwoman is going to get fed up and leave me.  This would simply kill me in every sense of the word.  I was a lost soul until I met her and never want to know that person I was again.  

I have recently applied for some other part time jobs to try and pull my weight a little  more. I also, try to get some shops for my blog as well.  Got three right away and have gotten none for like two months until my wife came to my rescue and hired me for a campaign due this Monday.  She is so gifted when it comes to computers, writing, blogging and directing others with the most perfect sensitivity towards others.  I love her so much, and want to make her life so much easier.  I pray each day for the Lord to guide me down the right path to accomplish this.  I really have only seen one way out, and that is to open up a food truck or restaurant of my own.  Cooking is what I know best and love to do for a living more than anything else.  However, hard work like that is something I want to do for myself and my family, not to line the pockets of somebody else anymore.  I know this is a far fetched dream, but maybe some day it will come to fruition.  And, when that day comes, I can finally hold my head up high and tell my wife to relax, have fun, and quit your job.  She deserves to be taken care of for a change, and to stop raising “two” children and focus on the one we have together.  I love you baby, more than you will ever know.  I am the happiest and most blessed man to have you in my life.  I vow to never take you for granted anymore and to do anything and everything to make you happy.  To close out, I must quote a great pillar of television and say, “Baby, you’re the greatest!”

6 thoughts on “Pssstt…I Have a Confession!

  1. Howard,

    You are ta truly GREAT person!!! These words just remind me of that. You were always a great friend and I miss you! You ARE strong every day you keep going! I have had to deal with the weight issue also. You have the strength to do it. Let me know if I can ever help with anything. Raiders and FRIENDS for life!!!

  2. Howard, I really hope you put your mind to being a strong, loving, supportive husband. I was in a situation where I was the only one working and my husband was awful to me. I was terrified to leave him, much as I wanted to. When I finally did, an enormous burden was lifted off of me – one less mouth to feed! Don’t let your wife come to the same conclusion. I strongly recommend reading the book, “The Love Dare”. It’s about changing YOU to change a relationship. Relationships require real work on both parts to succeed. Stop being afraid of failure, because if you don’t stand up and look your fear in the face and tell it off, you will always fail. Don’t start a task just to think, “I’m just going to fail anyways.” Because that’s what I’m hearing you say. You’ve got this! DO IT!
    Summer Davis recently posted..8 Things I Won’t be Doing at SoFabCon14My Profile

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